Shananigans

Hi.

Hello.

Ugh… okay here it goes. I have asked myself to take on the challenge of running a 50-mile ultra-marathon this year.

I’m scared.

Today, I did RUN 2. I put down 5.12 miles in 1:02:07, average pace 12:07/mile. I ran along the Poudre Trail here in Fort Collins, Colorado. The sun was out and blue skies above. At half way, I turned around and had the expanse of the Front Range of the Rocky Mountains to be in awe of. A landscape which makes me open my arms out wide, palms up, and I try to momentarily grasp the energy I feel surrounding me in that moment. The energy of being so deeply grateful for the world and the beauty in moving my body over the land, to better understand myself and better appreciate life itself.

Run 2. There was no push back mentally about getting out the door today and putting five miles down. My plan is to start the training with 20 miles this week. Run 1 I did on Saturday and logged five miles as well. I am putting no pressure on my pace right now. That’s important because if I wanted to walk all five miles, there will be no shame in that. My mindset is focused on the routine of putting my running shoes on and getting out the door.

To be clear, I have no training plan in place or even a race picked out yet. That will come but for now, I run.

I think in the past I have set goals that challenge me physically and I beat myself up mentally with not meeting the high bar of expectations I set for myself. I wasn’t showing up when the motivation dried up and I was left with the part of having to actually do the work. I would torture myself about how pathetic I felt for being slow and out of shape and overweight. Not this time. Not this damn time.

This journey is about love and respect for my life, pushing up against what is possible for me. It is about being forced to face myself, both on the day I run 50 miles and in each day up until then. I have to train. I have to put the miles in each week, take the drive up the canyon to run at higher elevations. I have to think about and adjust how I fuel myself. I have to problem solve when my foot blisters. Because on the day I run 50 miles, I want to know that whatever happens, I came ready. I will only come ready by facing the magnitude of this goal each day going forward.

So that’s that. I have made myself accountable.