Shananigans

Body says: Look at me.

I am so much more than a reflection of Thought. Thought sees me as scarred, out of control, something to be fixed, fat, and flawed. To be hidden. Thought critiques me, constrains me, is ashamed of me.

I refuse to accept Thought. For I am strong. Thought is nothing without my foundation. I protect. I insulate. 

Look at me.

Be in awe of my strength. Be mesmerized by the places I have walked, the hands I have held. Be humbled by my perseverance. Be shocked by my willpower to not crumble under Thought’s tests.

Look at me.

I have not given up, I have not failed. Thought pushes me and I have shown up. Remember the marathon, the miles walked in Spain. Remember the top of the mountain in Peru. Remember the hugs I gave to the children in Myanmar. Remember the friends who have leaned on me.

Look at me.

Why does Thought doubt me of what I am capable of? What more do I have to prove? What more tests do I have to endure before Thought realizes I will not give up? It is not me, it is Thought that gives up. It is Thought that quits before I do. It is Thought that questions me.

I am not flawed. I am a capsule of flawed thinking. The flaw is in Thought’s social conditioning. Culture says I should be something else. Thought is swayed by our media that glorifies the thin body, that sells dieting and low fat, sugar free water. Thought has been torn apart by people putting their hands on me, pointing their words of dislike at me. Thought internalized that. Culture told Thought how to. Culture has failed Thought. Culture thrives on ‘othering,’ in profiting off an ‘ideal.’ Culture manipulates Thought into being slave to products, diets, and fear; fear that I am something to be fixed so Culture can sell Thought something to fix me with. 

Thought, I implore you to open your eyes wider, stare at me longer, leave me exposed because I am not going away. 

I ask Thought to have patience, but persist. Persist to feed me intentionally, not emotionally. Persist to exercise me with kindness and deep, deep appreciation for what I can do. Persist to take care of me.

I ask Thought to be consistent, but never condone the idea that I am something to be fixed, manipulated, or hidden. Be consistent in new ways of thinking. Consistently alter the rooted story that made you so harsh on me, on yourself.

I ask Thought to take responsibility for unlearning social conditioning and relearn self. 

I demand Thought to love me, because I am not going away.

Look at me.